Emily

Next year is going to be hell.

2008-03-12T20:25:14Z

Why is it so hard to decide who to live with? I hate this right now.

Here are the two situations:

#1. The one I officially have said yes to. At the moment.

Upsides: Living with my three best friends. Who are all amazingly excited that I will be there next year. I'll be able to cook a lot, and they'd eat it happily. They have a place to live, very near campus. Rooming with probably my best friend at UCLA. Everyone I talk to (and they talk to) thinks it'll be a blast, and says how amazing the apartment is going to be next year, how fun, etc. They are all in marching band, which is important, because then we can all be obsessed together. I hang out with them pretty much every day, and we all get along.

Downsides: They are all guys. Which means that things might get weird because I'm a girl. They might bring girls home, which would be awkward, but I don't like any of them, so I wouldn't be jealous. I also would not be living with the other group of people, which really bums me out because we were so intent on living together next year starting from this summer. Mommy also isn't as thrilled as she was when I first brought up the situation.

#2. The one I have given up. If only temporarily.

Upsides: Amazing GIRLS. Went to high school with one, have known one for a couple of years, one I met this year. I can be completely myself around them, have girl talk, do each other's hair, etc. It's more of the "norm" of what people do. Probably would have a little cheaper rent. We wouldn't have to buy that much more furniture because one of them already has a couch, TV, table, kitchen accessories, etc.

Downsides: Drama. The whole situation broke up because I don't want them to keep fighting like they did last week. We all have pretty different personalities, which could potentially be a bad thing. Have had drama with one majorly in the past, and can feel that I might with another one or possibly both. We have problems limiting ourselves when we're together (baking, cooking, shopping). They still don't have a lease. I'd be rooming with someone with completely different ideas of how our room should be kept. Only one of them is in marching band, and not nearly as obsessed as I am. I'd also be responsible for finding the other people a fourth, where in this situation, I wouldn't have to.

After talking with a couple people, including an objective observer, I am feeling a lot better about my choice. I was just hoping to get some more opinions before I actually sign papers and stuff. But still, ditching the girls is breaking my heart, and the whole situation is making me want to curl up in a corner and cry. It basically comes down to that fact that I can and can't see myself in both situations. I am usually a very good imaginer when it comes to the future, even if it doesn't end up like how I thought it would, but I still can't imagine living without either of these situations.

Although, making a list did really help me feel better about my choice. Even though the upsides to #2 are better, there are way less downsides to #1.

Help me PLEASE!!! I just want your opinions.

Cameron

2006-12-02T05:48:53Z

R.I.P. Cameron Mitchell-Goulette

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESt1pkecWGM

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/breaking_news/16105277.htm

I walked this kid to school every day, when I was in 8th grade and he was in 6th. Even though we grew apart after that, and I don't think that I talked to him in over 2 years, I still thought about him quite a lot. He was the sweetest kid when he wanted to be, so brilliant, and he could have done so much with his life if he had wanted to. I am going to miss him so much.

I am really late on getting to this... Tom needs to be thanked for making an amazing video.

He'll always be in my heart, and forever on my mind.

Halloween Bumming

2006-10-28T04:26:19Z

So, I really don't want to go out tonight... but it's my only night to go out... and I don't really like my outfit, but I'm gonna wear slippers which makes it that much cooler, but still. PLUS I have a lesson tomorrow, but it's not til noon, yet I still need to practice... hopefully I'll get home around 1ish. But I just don't have an excited feeling about tonight... maybe if I go to the tower for a bit. But then it'd be weird, cuz people know I don't really like going out, and I look a bit funny... but it's Halloween, so everyone looks a bit funny... I don't know anymore. I think I'm just going to hang out. Maybe read something. Why am I such a party pooper?

Project Runway

2006-10-19T06:06:01Z

ROCKS MY WORLD!!!

I'm so ecstatic that Jeffrey won. I was worried for a bit, because Laura's collection looked really good, but I'm really really really happy with it.

And so my life goes on...

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-10-10T01:16:00

2006-10-10T08:17:37Z

It is the best feeling in the world to go to bed after being drunk, just after it's worn off slightly. Because you know it's the best sleep you'll have in a while.

and now i think i have a crush on greg. man, I hope eric and juan don't ever read this...

Move-in day

2006-09-24T03:00:44Z

Describe your day in one word:

Ouch.

My legs hurt so much. But luckily my residents are all pretty cool. Hopefully I can be a good RA.

Tell me if I'm otherwise.

Boredom

2006-09-10T03:13:06Z

I'm so bored. Not even the internet is helping. Pretty much, I wanna just be completely out of it for now. Because I missed that chance last night. Which sucked. Even AIM is boring, and I'm kinda all out of Facebook and Myspace stalking energy. Meaning I really don't want to be here. I'm going to go take pictures of random crap. Maybe that'll help. Probably not.

flashlight!

2006-08-29T05:29:33Z

I need a metaphorical flashlight for someone who's fallen down a hole so deep he "can't see the light anymore."

And i really want to help him. and he really deserves it.

plus, he already rejected my metaphorical mattress idea for when he hits the ground.

Bored, bored, bored

2006-08-24T06:47:30Z

There's absolutely nothing to do.

But I can't go to bed.

This sucks.

Project Runmway kicks ass.

That is all. I will leave you in peace.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-08-22T23:48:00

2006-08-23T06:48:46Z

rbrdckysldewstle (11:33:05 PM): i will not go to bed
crisplikeasalad (11:33:18 PM): ah, why not?
rbrdckysldewstle (11:33:27 PM): because i'm addicted to you, darling

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-08-22T23:30:00

2006-08-23T06:31:44Z

No one updates these things anymore. Including me.

I'm so tired, but I can't go to bed. Not yet. It's still early. I mean, it's still today and not tomorrow yet.

Dang.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-08-04T16:25:00

2006-08-04T23:28:31Z

Life is pretty good right now.

Except for the fact that my computer doesn't work. but hopefully tom will fix that tonight.

Also, any one want to give me the money for a plane ticket to and from boston? cuz i really want to be there right now.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-07-23T23:01:00

2006-07-24T06:04:05Z

Happy birthday weekend to Fiona.

Alright, I have nothing really more to say to the public. Except it's effing hot in the room where I am... just thought you all should know that. Also, I have an extra ticket to an A's game for I think this Friday (I should probably check the date). Anyway, I have no clue where the seats are, but it's free. Any takers? Get to spend some quality time with me, my sister, and a friend of my sister's choosing- how could you not take it? Let me know.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-06-15T01:28:00

2006-06-15T08:28:36Z

so christina left

and i just said my drunken good byes to all of my friends on my floor. so sad. but have to get up early tomorrow, therfore, need to go to bed. good night.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-06-14T18:11:00

2006-06-15T01:11:38Z

Christina is in the process of leaving...

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-05-29T13:21:00

2006-05-29T20:23:52Z

Don't take it personally. That's what she said. But how am I not supposed to take it personally, as that what it is.

After all of this, after all my hard work and pain, I have found that I am merely . . . forgettable.

It kills me, but I'll get through it. After all, there is only 3 more weeks to live in this hell, then I get to go home to an entirely familiar kind of hell, but that one I can fight. That one I know how to fight.

Ah, well, just another sunny day in this worn out life.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-05-24T16:23:00

2006-05-24T23:25:53Z

The sun has finally decided to come out of it's hibernation.

The past few days have been gorgeous, and with that, the anorexics are now taking over the lawns. Finding a place between them to set out a towel is becoming harder by the day.

I'm Super excited!

2006-05-11T20:32:55Z

Cuz tomorrow I'm going HOME for MOMMY'S DAY! Yay!

But, there'll be no time for hanging out, cuz I'm just going to be there for friday night and saturday. I'm then leaving Sunday morning, so that my dad can get back to Pton in time. But still, I get to see my mommy (and sister and dad). AND! My family has kept it a surprise from my mom. So, SHHH! If you see her, dont' tell.

Also, I just cleaned my room. and the cleaning lady is going to come in soon and make it all pretty. I am feeling very productive today.

rbrdckysldewstl @ 2006-05-09T15:38:00

2006-05-09T22:39:23Z

YAY! I totally didn't fail my midterm.

Which is quite an accomplishment, in my opinion.

I don't know how well I did, whether it be a C or a B. But the point is, I actually knew a lot of the stuff she asked. Therefore, I'm up for celebrating.

That's all.

Prayer of thanks

2006-05-01T04:42:00Z

Lord, thank you so much for today.

Thank you for being there when my sister rolled the car.

Thank you for having people there to watch over her.

Thank you for saving her life and letting her walk away with just a scratch.

Thank you.

Another Reno Down.

2006-04-30T22:32:35Z

Reno was this weekend. And I had a blast.

Last night on the bus was crazy. I like hanging out with those people. It was fun. Plus, I drank with Jon (Nathan, the band director).

I think it's safe to say that this was the best Reno trip i've been on. I got to see Amador perform a little bit. And hung out in casinos.

We got in this morning at 7. Which means that I had about 4 hours of very light sleep. I came in, hoping I didn't reek of the alcohol, and fell dead asleep until a little after 1.

Yeah, that's kinda it. No details here, because they're pretty self-incriminating.

Kids these days.

2006-04-26T23:07:29Z

My roomie is listening to iTunes radio in search of knowledge of what is "popular" and "what people are listening to now." I just think that's adorable. She's so innocent that way. Makes me laugh.

Also, Bill must have gotten laid, or done something, because my lesson ROCKED today. I mean, full on, mind blowing, hard-core rocked. Mainly, though, because I figured out all on my own how to fix my ambrisure (spelling? I know Mr. p told me once how it is spelled, but i threw away the paper...). Which is a) very good because now I know how to play better and even though it's hard right now, it'll be a lot easier in the long run; and b) I did it on my own. which makes me proud.

Jazz band is going to Reno on Friday. I have yet to figure out how I'm getting to SBCC at 1:30 in the morning, but o well. I'm kinda like that. But, I'm excited because I get to hang out with my daddy! and probably see all the little amador kiddies. yayness.

ok, ta for now!

rough, busy day.

2006-04-22T03:30:47Z

bill didn't get laid last night. I had a horrible lesson. Not fun times.

Lets see. Today: wake up at 6:30, decide it's not worth it, wake up at 7:30. Musicianship, Theory, breakfast. Find out one of my friends is gay, but it's all cool (i knew it anyways, but he just told me). Had a meaningful discussion about that sort of thing. came home, did homework. lunch, which was very yummy. then made up a quiz for musicianship, talked with the TA for about 20 minutes. hung around with sydney, dragged her to the library to teach me how to check out a score, talked with alice for a long time. chilled in teh bookstore, made arrangements with jackie for monday night transport to the soho gig. practice for a while. get a call from juan telling me I have 20 minutes more than i originally thought because bill was late. practice until 4:45. go down for lesson. get told that it'll be another 20 minutes. practice. go back down. get my ass kicked by bill. eat a fun dinner (pasta w/ alfredo sauce, nachos, sushi, chocolate bread). conive (spelling?) with alicia for juan's bday party. come home, feel like crashing.

Darn this false advertising

2006-04-15T22:20:35Z

So, the whole "let's go lay out in the sun and tan" plot failed spectacularly because, even though it's very sunny, it's frickin COLD due to the wind. We therefore spent 30 minutes in the hall before THAT got too cold, and we retired to our respective rooms.

I also have officially classified the people in my hall as "friendly aquaintances" (thank you shelby!) because I found out I really can't stand them very much. Like, the whiney, drunk, whorish, no-back-bone type of people they are really annoy me. Example one: gets drunk, becomes loud, carries on about finding a guy to make out with, and won't come home until she has. Example two: likes guy who doesn't like her back, has had casual make-out sessions while drunk almost every monday night since the beginning of school and it STILL hasn't happened but continues to obsess over the guy, bugs me every 5 minutes asking if she should call him, complains about either answer I give, calls him anyways, and then has the nerve to complain that he's such a tease when she gets home. Everyone else is just annoying. And now that I've written this down, I sound amazingly whiney myself, but that's alright; I can admit that I am incredibly annoying, needy, clingy, etc. It's only a problem when people deny it.

update on today

2006-04-08T22:58:31Z

vindik4ter (3:42:57 PM): ok, so i just read your away message. what's going on?
rbrdckysldewstle (3:47:57 PM): what's going on? same as last time
vindik4ter (3:48:10 PM): you weren't online this morning, i thought you were sleeping
rbrdckysldewstle (3:48:24 PM): yeah.
rbrdckysldewstle (3:48:34 PM): but then i was awake, with my door open, when you came back
rbrdckysldewstle (3:48:37 PM): and then you left again.
vindik4ter (3:49:08 PM): i didn't even make it down the hall past my own room
rbrdckysldewstle (3:49:30 PM): lame
vindik4ter (3:49:56 PM): if you heard us you could have come out and said hi
rbrdckysldewstle (3:50:13 PM): i actually walked out when joanna did.
rbrdckysldewstle (3:50:21 PM): and didn't get a response
rbrdckysldewstle (3:50:26 PM): don't worry, kate
rbrdckysldewstle (3:50:40 PM): i really would rather not hear excuses
vindik4ter (3:51:50 PM): ok wow i'm not making excuses, i'm only telling you what happened, and we don't exactly go down the hall telling people we're going outside and then purposely skip your door or something
rbrdckysldewstle (3:53:10 PM): yeah, but at the same time, I would expect one of the poeple I call a friend to put a bit of thought into it

right brilliant group of people I call friends, ain't it?